Agoraphobia: A Powerful True Story on How to Overcome

Surprisingly, I did not go to therapy and seek help to overcome agoraphobia. 

Of course, that would be the best approach, but this was before online therapy. To be honest I was not ready to open up. I was 15 /16 at the time and had a hard time even opening up to anyone, so a therapist was out of the question. I was completely lost and overwhelmed with how I was feeling and was not able to articulate what was going on internally.  I was not comfortable with myself at all and felt completely disconnected from myself. I also had a lot of self-loathing from verbal abuse that I had internalized. I would not have even been able to talk about anything of substance. I had tried therapy, but I just really could not bring myself to talk about anything. I think the pain I was in was too great to even be able to put into words and I just had no idea how to access the suppressed pain hindering psychotherapy.

So how did I overcome agoraphobia with no professional help?

To set the scene, I was in my bedroom for eight months due to very severe depression. I did not leave the house at all during this time. My depression gave rise to agoraphobia. I thought my depression had spiraled to a point of no return. My parents could not figure out why I had deteriorated so quickly and severely. They thought it was mold in my bedroom. (It was my father’s physical, emotional, and verbal abuse for years). So, I was essentially kicked out of my room so that a wall in my room could be removed of mold. Supposedly, there was some mold, but my parents decided while they were at it to completely makeover the room- carpets were ripped out, wooden floors were put in, new paint, and the closet was rebuilt. It was an older house that had never been remodeled before. So I was essentially kicked out of my room during the height of my agoraphobia. In hindsight, this was a turning point and led to overcoming agoraphobia, but at the time I felt completely naked and exposed. I had not struggled with agoraphobia before this, but my depression had made me feel like I would be stuck like this forever. But I did not want to live like this. I ached to go back to how I was before my depression engulfed me. 

Now, being forced to come out of my room, I moved into my parents room while my room was remodeled. They slept in the living room to help me essentially hide away. I couldn’t hide though. I had to make decisions on the room and talk to the construction workers about the progress of my room. Because I was out of my room more and interacting with others again, I slowly became not as scared to be seen. I felt more like my old self, but just extremely self-conscious about how others saw me. And they saw me at my worst physically because my depression made it hard to take care of my appearance.

One of the construction workers now knew that I was agoraphobic and said that to overcome a fear I had to take baby steps. Instead of going out in a public and crowded space (which had now become a debilitating fear) I should just walk up a block in the neighborhood. And I immediately thought-  that doesn’t seem impossible. It had never occurred to me that taking a very tiny first step was necessary or would even be effective. My mentality had been that I had to go out in a public place or do nothing at all. Then, he told me to walk 2 times around the block the next day and each day add one more block to work up to going out in public. The thought of walking around the block, as small as it was, helped me to gain the confidence I needed by providing a small victory.

So, I started walking outside every day. The first day I left the house was surprising because just as I passed through the threshold of the door I saw a bright red and black woodpecker pecking away. I had never seen a woodpecker before. This challenged my preconceived notion that outside of my house was dull and static and not worth seeing. I had pictured life outside to be monochromatic and unchanging. This way of thinking kept me uninterested and unmotivated to venture outside.

I gradually worked up to going out in crowded public places and it continued to get easier each time. While crowded areas were not enjoyable at first, I was eventually able to attend concerts and shows. I went on to live in a college dorm and later live in New York City for several years. 

It is possible to overcome agoraphobia with small steps and gradual victories. The longer you avoid confronting the fear- the more debilitating it gets. You might have a panic attack in public, I sure did, but exposing yourself to the fear is the first step. Eventually, it will get better and you will be happier when you experience more of what life has to offer. 

Celebrate all the small victories and work your way outside one block at a time.

I hope this story helps you. Leave your thoughts down below.