Signs of Manipulative Behavior and Not Being Genuine
Deciphering insincerity is not always black and white. Actions speak louder than words, but, unfortunately, deciphering when someone is using you and not being genuine may not be obvious.
Whether it is a friend, romantic partner, or colleague, manipulative people get away with deceitful behavior due to their ability to convince someone that they are a genuine and trustworthy person. The first step is recognizing our psychological blind spots that impedes our ability to see the person for who they truly are. Our need to believe that our relationships are real and that someone has good intentions can cause us to ignore red flags and make excuses for them. Ultimately, we might end up accepting a manipulative and insincere person in our lives leading to feeling devalued, unsettled, unsafe, and exploited.
Behavior that acts as blind spots leading to being more easily manipulated may include:
- Accepting excuses frequently
- Being overly accepting of someone’s faults
- Being too generous
- Ignoring red flags
- Not trusting your gut instinct
- Lacking self-confidence
- Believing that this partner is your soulmate and you are meant to be with the person no matter the person’s behavior
- Believing that this person will change or behavior will be different in the future
- Co-dependency with this person
We’ve all heard the Maya Angelou saying- “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” But, what exactly should we look out for? A journal published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests the existence of a “dark triad” of insincere behavior. The “dark triad” consists of narcissistic personality disorder, Machiavellianism, and psychopathic behavior. People with these traits all engage in varying levels of deceptive behavior to obtain what they want.
Pay attention to the following repeated behaviors:
- Excuses: Frequent reasons why they can not keep their word. Frequent apologies yet continue to engage in the same behavior.
- Charmer: Always know what to say and can make you sympathetic to their behavior. Might earn sympathy from blaming their behavior on hardships and personal problems.
- Blaming: Blame you for their behavior due to unreasonable expectations or misunderstandings.
- Unable to take responsibility: Offended and disparaging when faced with confrontation about behavior.
- Chronic liar: There have been many occurrences of claiming a need for privacy, secretive behavior, and a lack of communication.
- Superficial behavior: Apologizing repeatedly and not seeming genuine during apologies such as showing different emotions (ex. happiness) or showing no emotion during apology.
On the other hand, here are some signs that your relationship is genuine:
- You feel safe
- There is honesty and openness in communication
- You can communicate easily
- You can easily trust them
- They put in effort
- They offer emotional support
- Mutual respect
- They want the best for you
Have you encountered someone that exhibits this manipulative behavior?